Collegian: News

All the news that's fit to blog

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

She's beauty and she's grace...

It appears, dear friends, that even Momma Nature isn't immune to the constant competition and beauty pageantry bombarding today's society. That's right, it wasn't enough that she bestows beautiful golden sunrises and rosy sunsets. Forget the fact that she's covered our Earth in lush green forests and wildflowers. Now, it appears, her creations are being judged...and I, for one, don't think it's a good idea to anger Mother Nature.

'What in the Hades is this girl talking about?', you ask. Simple — the Lehigh River has recently been named Pennsylvania's "River of the Year" — and I, for one, am appalled.

Growing up a Susquehanna kind of gal myself, I found myself curious — what makes the aqua in the Lehigh supreme?

According to a press release quoting Conservation and Natural Resources Secretary Michael DiBerardinis — the man, myth and legend who gave the river its crown — “The Lehigh River is alive and thriving, with water quality better now than it has been the last 150 years.”

Alive and thriving, eh? And this makes it different from all other rivers how?

I mean I understand that it was used to transport coal back in the day, and I'm sure it's scenic and has a nice assortment of fish and waterfowl...but, so what? I stand firm that in a river fight, the Susquehanna would undoubtedly drown the Lehigh.

I'll pontificate.

According to Wikipedia -- being the fine, gospel-like research tool that it is -- the Susquey is considered to be one of the oldest major geographical systems on the continent. Sure it may be my hometown favorite, but it's the longest river on the East Coast for golly's sake. Oh, and to top it all off, it provides HALF of the freshwater inflow for the entire Chesapeake Bay. That's River of the Year worthy to me. And if that weren't enough Joseph Smith, Jr. and Oliver Cowdery (some heavy hitters in the religious world) claimed to have been visited by the angel John the Baptist on the banks of the Susquehanna River near Harmony, Pa. in 1829.

But that's cool, Mr. go ahead and tell me that my angel-visited river ranks behind the mighty biggie. But I think we can all appreciate a lesson once taught to us by a Chiffon Margarine commercial in the 1970s — It's not nice to fool with Mother Nature.