Collegian: News

All the news that's fit to blog

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Sexy news

I was reading an article on Sports Illustrated's Web site about a new steroid scandal in which athletes, as well as certain famous celebrities, have been the recipients of steroids from two Orlando-based pharmacies, when something Albany County (N.Y.) District Attorney P. David Soares said struck me as funny.

"I understand that the involvement of athletes and celebrities makes this a sexy story, but I assure you we are not, at this point, we are not concerned with the celebrity factor," Soares said. "Our focus here is to shut down distribution channels."

Hell yes. I would imagine nothing is sexier to women than roid rage, horrible acne and testicles the size of raisins. But this quote got me thinking: What exactly is sexy news?

So I spent all week scouring the "Internets" for the sexiest news I could find and compiled them for you, our sexy readers, reading this sexy blog, on our sexy Collegian Web site.

Sorry, it was a hard decision, but neither Strom Thurmond, nor the Rev. Al Sharpton made it on to the list...

So here we go:

1) Nothing is more sexy than a baby tiger. Wait, did I say sexy? I meant adorable. And nothing is more adorable than baby tigers befriending baby orangutans and frolicking together at the Taman Safari zoo in India. And you know what adorable baby tigers do. They grow up into sexy adult tigers... and then they eat orangutans. Oh yeah... sexy.

2) Robert Blake used to be sexy, right? And this once-sexy (now old and frightening) actor is appealing the $30 million dollar wrongful death verdict in the death of his former wife. Nothing is sexier than Hollywood drama. Isn't that why E! entertainment channel is so popular? Wait, I was looking old pictures of Robert Blake and he was never sexy. Oh well, too late to turn back now. On to more sexiness!

3) Bratz dolls are sexy. TOO sexy some parents feel. Well, at least too sexy for young girls. Some Canadian schools have decided to sell books featuring the popular but controversial Bratz dolls, drawing the ire from psychologists and parents. I never realized Canada was so up-and-coming in the world of sexiness (disregarding Canadian "actress" Pamela Anderson). Go Canada!

4) This just in! Poly-Wall protective coatings have just jumped from a 2 to a 10 on our Collegian "Sexy-meter." Poly-Wall "goes on faster, and lasts longer." Oh yeah, that's what she said. Protective Coating Technology has just hired a design firm to make their product more sexy. Is this a trend in construction companies? We'll see. What I want to know is: How is a sealant that contractors apply to basements to prevent air and moisture from seeping in not sexy to begin with?