Collegian: News

All the news that's fit to blog

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

What to write about?

It's come to my attention recently (through the verbal jabs of one of our esteemed page designers) that lately, all I've been using this blog for is to be outraged at things that are outrageous.

Cases in point: my Barbaro post, my post about that girl who was denied birth control in jail after she was raped, my post about O.J. Simpson's book on killing his wife... and so on...

So along comes the ops page chief, Meg Rundle, and writes a post last week that completely blows any post that I've written away.


I wouldn't say I'm competitive in nature, but I do like to write things that don't suck. And I certainly don't want people to see my name under the post line and say, "Oh I bet Alex was outraged at something again, shucks..."

I'm witty too guys, I swear. I promise that all 12 of you who actually read this blog will believe me by the end of it. (Actually I'm just hoping that we still have 12 readers by the time this post is over.)

Holy crap! Okay, I just read that Heather Mills is going to be on this season's "Dancing with the Stars" on ABC. Justifiably I hate this betty for being a nut job, and also for sullying Sir Paul McCartney's good name (I'm a Beatles fan, who isn't?).

But with all that aside, I'm wondering: Doesn't she have a huge disadvantage?

I mean, the lady only has one leg, and I'd assume that would make it difficult to compete against the likes of Clyde "The Glide" Drexler, and Olympian Apolo Anton Ohno. These guys are born athletes, AND Muhammad Ali's daughter, Laila Ali, is competing. (I'm actually, genuinely interested to see who the saint is who'll have to dance with this monster of a woman.)

So many questions are running through my head:

Aren't some of those dances pretty strenuous? How much will they penalize her if her fake leg falls off during a routine? Am I going to hell for thinking about this?

I can't see this ending well for Mills at all. In fact, if she makes it to the finals I'll take some salsa lessons at the White Building. (Remember, no one reads this blog anyway so who's going to hold me to it?)

In other news:
- The whole Anna Nicole Smith dealie is turning out to be a story fit for an afternoon soap opera. All we need now is an inordinate amount of good-looking people gathered together in one room, acting horribly to a poorly-written script. Wait, is Laguna Beach still on?

- It's a sad day for comedy, folks. No, Paris Hilton hasn't branched out into stand-up (and yes, you are still reading this blog, so comedy is obviously suffering). Two clowns were shot dead at a traveling circus in Colombia. Soooo yeah, I guess a "knocked 'em dead" joke would be entirely inappropriate at this point in time. Zing!

- And finally, the woman who threw her McDonald's (registered trademark) drink through the window of the car that cut her off received two years in jail. Look, if you're going to get two years in jail for throwing something at someone, at least keep a brick handy, I mean seriously. The carnage and destruction fitting for a two-year prison stint simply can't be met by a cup of ice. I hope someone informed this woman that those stupid fast-food joint sporks make awful skivs.