Collegian: News

All the news that's fit to blog

Wednesday, March 28, 2007


While sifting through the laundry list of recent headlines (Gonzalez is doomed, Anna Nicole's overdose, British hostages) a wise sensei hinted to story that's only been surpassed, in my mind, by the plight of little Knut — see below.

It appears, my friends, that cavemen liked the ba-donk-a-donk.

For those of you not with it, informs me that a badonkadonk "is a slang term for a woman's buttocks that are voluptuously large and firm, yet bouncy."

Now that we've got that established, I'll explain.

In an article found on, recent findings show that cavemen may have preferred their women with a little meat on their bones. Paleontologists have discovered flint figurines carved as women with lots of... assets.

According to the article, "Most of the carvings show a slight curve in the breast area. Very exaggerated curves depict the buttocks, while tiny rounded tops served as heads." That's right men, booty is beautiful.

Paleontologists believe the carvings were probably done by "young men." Imagine that.

Maybe it's because mammoth is a fatty meat, or perhaps having men with clubs drag you around by your hair required extra padding against brushburns and stray rocks. Either way, it appears that while today's society is trying to de-carb, un-fat and sweat off our tushies — prehistoric papas were all about the feminine form.

So perhaps thin is chic now, but 15,000 years ago voluptuous vixens were hot. Maybe instead of starving ourselves we should take a lesson from our ancestors — after all, they did discover fire.

So ladies, live in the spirit of the cavewomen and enjoy your sugar-filled lattes and carb-filled burger and fries. And please, above all else, don't be afraid to shake what your momma gave ya.